I want you to have the world.

Trips, joy, peace, opportunity.

I want you to know what love feels like when it’s safe. I want you to grow up and say, “My mom didn’t give up on me. Even when life gave up on her.”

Most people have no idea why we run back to what burns us. It’s not about loving pain..it’s about chasing that high, that rush, that feeling of being alive, even if it means getting burned.

So here’s the anatomy of a bad habit: you go back because, for a moment, it feels like home. This isn’t a love story. Ever gone back to something that wrecked you, just to feel something?

Yeah. Me too.

Here’s what that really looks like.

I used to think survival was the same thing as happiness.

At 25, I was busy making myself into whatever the world wanted…chasing love, shrinking for approval, calling chaos “passion” and emptiness “commitment.”

Now, at 35, I’m done with survival. I’m burning every old story that kept me small and writing a life that actually feels like mine.

This is what happens when you finally stop asking for permission: you become the woman nobody thought you could be.

What happens when you drop your friends, lose yourself in a relationship, and end up more alone than ever…even with “the love of your life” right beside you? This isn’t a redemption arc wrapped in a bow; it’s the raw truth about isolation, insecurity, and how real friendship will save you when love won’t. If you’ve ever abandoned your girls to chase someone who made you feel small, this is your wake-up call. Real ones only.

What if the new guy never stood a chance.. Because I was still waiting to be missed by the one before him?

This isn’t a love story. It’s a confession about using someone as a shield, chasing closure through attention, and learning the hard way that healing doesn’t mean you’re ready.

Sometimes we don’t move on, we retaliate.

I wasn’t just the victim, I was the villain. I became the fuckboy I cried over.